Sometimes it seems to me that human brokenness is a bit like being covered in spiky spines (think angry hedgehog, or something similar). A broken human being whom God has decided to call to Himself begins recognizing the spines for what they are (most especially an impediment to a relationship with anyone/thing - even God). God begins wrapping these broken vessels in layers that insulate the spines and soften them enough to love one another and be loved.
Prolonged or high stress wear these layers away. If one is not hyper-aware of this and taking measures to continue adding layers and to protect the layers that are already there then the spines pop back out.
The funny thing is that the layers somehow effect the brain. When my husband and I are both well insulated, pursuing God together, letting Him work on us through each other (um, and through our kids), then when I bump into him around the house I just think we have the perfect marriage. I think he is my best friend and true companion. I marvel that we have not been married forever (though 5 years this March!). I cannot imagine how anyone else functions without a marriage as compatibly delightful as my own.
When the layers on my spouse may be in need of repair from neglect or stress, but mine somehow remain intact, then I start to realize that, more truly, my wifely devotion is done for God and not for my husband. I remember that we are all broken and that I have been extended grace beyond measure and that TO GOD I express my gratitude and recognition of this by serving my husband well and loving and respecting him because of the place God has positioned him in my life.
I am sure, that the reverse is true for my husband when my layers are the ones that have flown off but his spines are still covered. Our layers not only protect others from our spines, but they can protect us from other people's spines as well.
However, there are also times during high stress and neglect (or, ahem, for example, high stress and a nasty illness passed through everyone in the house), when both of our layers wear through (I am always amazed at how quickly this can happen, even when I had thought I was so well wrapped), and then as we bump into each other around the house I think to myself, "How in the world have we managed to stay married this long, and how will I manage to even like him anymore!!!???!?!?!?!?!?".
Gratefully, God is good to me and never leaves me alone long. The crazy, angry, hedgehog is usually caged rather quickly and re-wrapped (um and sometimes sedated). These highly stressful times typically coincide with a neglect of the rituals (community, fellowship, church, time devoted to thinking and dialoging about truth, reading my bible, etc.) which help care for my layers and remind me of their great value. They also make me long for the final blow that will break the curse of my hedgehog skin allowing me to peel it off, see it burn, and have the blackness underneath washed clean, leaving a beautifully redeemed human being capable of safely running around the kingdom of heaven without poking anyone (If my hedgehog metaphor does not make much sense, look up the Brother's Grimm tale "Hans My Hedgehog").
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Happy 2nd Anniversary Blog!
Another year of blogging has gone by. Though I have been rather absent the last couple months, I still managed to post more in 2008 than in 2007 AND started an additional blog to funnel my foodie posts.
For a while in December, it seemed the whole world had spontaneously decided that the blogging fad was over. Yet, here we are, getting moving again after holiday hibernation.
Ancora Imparo now has 17 subscribers, and approximately 15 daily visitors (many of whom are simply doing Google searches to uncover the meaning of "Ancora Imparo").
In keeping with last years tradition, I have produced another "year in review" of the posts with the most comment-dialog from each month of 2008.
January: To Die Is Gain
February: Prego Update on the pregnancy that wasn't
March: Pacifism and Non-Violence: A Definition of Terms
April: Science vs. Self: A Dialog
May: Making Home
June: How To: Kombucha that spurred my food blog.
July: The Joy of Growing which I think made Elliot's growing fan club official
August: Home Experiments
September: NaNoWriMo Comith and it came and went, and may be revisited this Feb.
October: An Open Letter to Senator Barack Obama
November: Answers For One Reader
December: Mi Casa Es Tu Casa
I have hopes of returning this blog to my original plan of a place to capture thoughts and musings on life, or to practice creative writing for the more "mundane" aspects of life. Somehow or other this has become primarily a mommy-blog, which is fine, but not what I want. I want a place to dialog ideas. Hopefully, the house and home pieces offer better context for where my ideas emerge, in the hope of allowing more genuine dialog, but I would prefer they move to the background.
We shall see what this year holds for this blog. This pregnancy was keeping me QUITE tired (I think the two other children helped a bit), but I am starting to feel my energy return, and hopefully that will mean a return to posting the random things that fill my mind while I fold laundry and wash dishes and such.
Thanks you for reading for another year! Feel free to email questions or requests for things you might like to see me write more about this year.
For a while in December, it seemed the whole world had spontaneously decided that the blogging fad was over. Yet, here we are, getting moving again after holiday hibernation.
Ancora Imparo now has 17 subscribers, and approximately 15 daily visitors (many of whom are simply doing Google searches to uncover the meaning of "Ancora Imparo").
In keeping with last years tradition, I have produced another "year in review" of the posts with the most comment-dialog from each month of 2008.
January: To Die Is Gain
February: Prego Update on the pregnancy that wasn't
March: Pacifism and Non-Violence: A Definition of Terms
April: Science vs. Self: A Dialog
May: Making Home
June: How To: Kombucha that spurred my food blog.
July: The Joy of Growing which I think made Elliot's growing fan club official
August: Home Experiments
September: NaNoWriMo Comith and it came and went, and may be revisited this Feb.
October: An Open Letter to Senator Barack Obama
November: Answers For One Reader
December: Mi Casa Es Tu Casa
I have hopes of returning this blog to my original plan of a place to capture thoughts and musings on life, or to practice creative writing for the more "mundane" aspects of life. Somehow or other this has become primarily a mommy-blog, which is fine, but not what I want. I want a place to dialog ideas. Hopefully, the house and home pieces offer better context for where my ideas emerge, in the hope of allowing more genuine dialog, but I would prefer they move to the background.
We shall see what this year holds for this blog. This pregnancy was keeping me QUITE tired (I think the two other children helped a bit), but I am starting to feel my energy return, and hopefully that will mean a return to posting the random things that fill my mind while I fold laundry and wash dishes and such.
Thanks you for reading for another year! Feel free to email questions or requests for things you might like to see me write more about this year.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A New Year
Jem started this theme, Meg expanded it, and now I am following suit....
Ten Things Not Invited Back for 2009:
1. Moving
2. Mumbai Terrorists
3. Unemployment
4. Living as a vegetarian 80% of the time
5. Creating a 25-hour a week volunteer position for myself
6. Business failure
7. Politicallies and manipulation campaigns
8. Sleep training
9. Hazardous cleaning supplies
10. Junk Mail
Ten Things Not Invited Back for 2009:
1. Moving
2. Mumbai Terrorists
3. Unemployment
4. Living as a vegetarian 80% of the time
5. Creating a 25-hour a week volunteer position for myself
6. Business failure
7. Political
8. Sleep training
9. Hazardous cleaning supplies
10. Junk Mail
Friday, January 9, 2009
Dear Sons...
A letter to you boys is sorely overdue. There have been so many milestones in the last six months as I have marvel at the privilege of watching you grow up.
Elliot - You are becoming ever more capable. You still delight to demonstrate your understanding and abilities by listening and helping me, whether it is by unloading the dishes, throwing in laundry, or picking-up your toys. At the same time, you are now officially over the 18-month marker, which means you are just beginning to question whether you actually need to listen to me and whether I know what I am doing or if there are other ways.
For example, the other day I was making our usual oatmeal porridge and had divvied the oats into our separate bowls on the counter awaiting the varied toppings for each (honey and cream for Daddy, raisins and cream for Søren, cinnamon, butter, and raisins for us!). Your feisty impatience, combined with your growing height and new found questioning of my rules got you into trouble. Catching my back turned to soak the oatmeal pot, you decided to take your own oatmeal bowl to the table before it was ready. However, as you sank your fingers into the piping hot goo you froze, not knowing from where the intense pain was coming. I turned around, responding with a slow and pained, "nooooooo" hoping to save the inevitable from occurring as you finally pulled back bringing the Corningware custard cup full of breakfast down to meet the tile floor and break.
Attacking the sharp mess quickly, I set it aside and pulled you close to hold and comfort you (not knowing then the severity of your burn and the large blisters that would follow). Your eyes spilled out the largest drops I have seen to date. I was squatting and rocking you side to side while explaining, "Mommy makes rules for a reason. My rules keep you safe."
It was at this point your big brother Søren walked over with outstretched arms and surrounded you with a hug from behind. He cuddled you too and said, "I am sorry I was not there to protect you IE," with genuine sorrow.
I tried not to melt too much into both of you when I heard this.
Søren - When did you, my little man, take such a responsibility upon yourself?! Your Dad and I have not given this task to you. However, as the eldest child myself I can relate. Perhaps it is because more often than not, you have only adults to gaze upon to imagine your next steps, whereas your dear little brother has you, first and foremost, to study.
It is my constant joy to see the love and care you boys have for one another. It is the steadfast affirmation for me that siblings are a great gift. You two love each other in a way that your Daddy and I cannot. Hopefully, Lord willing, you will still have one another to love even when your Dad and I are gone. Perhaps this wonder of sibling love is one of the reasons you are both so excited to know that I am building another baby for our family to meet this summer.
Elliot - You are SO excited to move into the role of a big brother, and Søren - somehow you keep asking if I we can have three more babies so that we can say, "God gave us five!" which is your new favorite number.
Another lovely "milestone" is that we adjusted our milepost back to Eugene, which means no end to the delight of being surrounded by a large community of friends.
Søren - You have two major highlights each week: Our Tuesday excursion to the farm to pick-up milk and eggs, and our Sunday mornings at church when you get to play with all of your new friends.
The "big kids" invited you into their make-believe this week. Franny and co. had decided on names, ages, and roles when you ran over to their circle. Franny looked at you and said, "Do you want to be a five year old?" To which you shook your head and held up three fingers. [I am happy you are happy with the age you are]. Then she asked, "What do you want your name to be?" To which you quickly and excitedly replied "Laura!" The group gave you a strange look, primarily, I think, because they could not understand you well, but it did not stop the play from commencing.
This calm play was only after fifteen minutes of rumpus with two dark, curly-haired, brothers who taught you how to chase and tackle an only half-obliging little girlfriend. You learned too well, and had to be called off by several different sets of parents. You were a sweaty, happy, hungry boy on the way home.
Recently you have also decided that you no longer need the stroller (which, of course, Elliot - now you have decided this too). You can walk all the way to the park and back on your own two legs. This is good preparation for when the double stroller will hold two younger children than you, so I am happy for the practice. I am also happy that on the homeward journey you reply with statements like, "I am really tired Mommy" and fall into a completely uncontested nap when we arrive home.
As life has gotten SO much easier with you two delightful boys, Daddy and I look with wide-eyed wonder at each other knowing we have invited another year of sleep-deprived, diapering, infancy back into our routine. However, when we look again at the two of your sparkling eyes, hilarious humor, devotion to one another, and unique personalities, we cannot wait to see who this new person will be and how they will complete our family (as both of you have) in ways that will make us ponder how we ever managed without them (as Daddy and I often do over you both).
Thank you boys for having patience with me as I am learning how to be a good mother. I am ever impressed with who God has made you, and hope that I only give you limits that keep you safe, but that never discourage you from pursuing your true self before God and discovering the life he has planned for your future.
XOXOXOxoxoxo,
Your passionately loving mother
Elliot - You are becoming ever more capable. You still delight to demonstrate your understanding and abilities by listening and helping me, whether it is by unloading the dishes, throwing in laundry, or picking-up your toys. At the same time, you are now officially over the 18-month marker, which means you are just beginning to question whether you actually need to listen to me and whether I know what I am doing or if there are other ways.
For example, the other day I was making our usual oatmeal porridge and had divvied the oats into our separate bowls on the counter awaiting the varied toppings for each (honey and cream for Daddy, raisins and cream for Søren, cinnamon, butter, and raisins for us!). Your feisty impatience, combined with your growing height and new found questioning of my rules got you into trouble. Catching my back turned to soak the oatmeal pot, you decided to take your own oatmeal bowl to the table before it was ready. However, as you sank your fingers into the piping hot goo you froze, not knowing from where the intense pain was coming. I turned around, responding with a slow and pained, "nooooooo" hoping to save the inevitable from occurring as you finally pulled back bringing the Corningware custard cup full of breakfast down to meet the tile floor and break.Attacking the sharp mess quickly, I set it aside and pulled you close to hold and comfort you (not knowing then the severity of your burn and the large blisters that would follow). Your eyes spilled out the largest drops I have seen to date. I was squatting and rocking you side to side while explaining, "Mommy makes rules for a reason. My rules keep you safe."
It was at this point your big brother Søren walked over with outstretched arms and surrounded you with a hug from behind. He cuddled you too and said, "I am sorry I was not there to protect you IE," with genuine sorrow.
I tried not to melt too much into both of you when I heard this.
Søren - When did you, my little man, take such a responsibility upon yourself?! Your Dad and I have not given this task to you. However, as the eldest child myself I can relate. Perhaps it is because more often than not, you have only adults to gaze upon to imagine your next steps, whereas your dear little brother has you, first and foremost, to study.
It is my constant joy to see the love and care you boys have for one another. It is the steadfast affirmation for me that siblings are a great gift. You two love each other in a way that your Daddy and I cannot. Hopefully, Lord willing, you will still have one another to love even when your Dad and I are gone. Perhaps this wonder of sibling love is one of the reasons you are both so excited to know that I am building another baby for our family to meet this summer.
Elliot - You are SO excited to move into the role of a big brother, and Søren - somehow you keep asking if I we can have three more babies so that we can say, "God gave us five!" which is your new favorite number.
Another lovely "milestone" is that we adjusted our milepost back to Eugene, which means no end to the delight of being surrounded by a large community of friends.
Søren - You have two major highlights each week: Our Tuesday excursion to the farm to pick-up milk and eggs, and our Sunday mornings at church when you get to play with all of your new friends.
The "big kids" invited you into their make-believe this week. Franny and co. had decided on names, ages, and roles when you ran over to their circle. Franny looked at you and said, "Do you want to be a five year old?" To which you shook your head and held up three fingers. [I am happy you are happy with the age you are]. Then she asked, "What do you want your name to be?" To which you quickly and excitedly replied "Laura!" The group gave you a strange look, primarily, I think, because they could not understand you well, but it did not stop the play from commencing.
This calm play was only after fifteen minutes of rumpus with two dark, curly-haired, brothers who taught you how to chase and tackle an only half-obliging little girlfriend. You learned too well, and had to be called off by several different sets of parents. You were a sweaty, happy, hungry boy on the way home.
Recently you have also decided that you no longer need the stroller (which, of course, Elliot - now you have decided this too). You can walk all the way to the park and back on your own two legs. This is good preparation for when the double stroller will hold two younger children than you, so I am happy for the practice. I am also happy that on the homeward journey you reply with statements like, "I am really tired Mommy" and fall into a completely uncontested nap when we arrive home.As life has gotten SO much easier with you two delightful boys, Daddy and I look with wide-eyed wonder at each other knowing we have invited another year of sleep-deprived, diapering, infancy back into our routine. However, when we look again at the two of your sparkling eyes, hilarious humor, devotion to one another, and unique personalities, we cannot wait to see who this new person will be and how they will complete our family (as both of you have) in ways that will make us ponder how we ever managed without them (as Daddy and I often do over you both).
Thank you boys for having patience with me as I am learning how to be a good mother. I am ever impressed with who God has made you, and hope that I only give you limits that keep you safe, but that never discourage you from pursuing your true self before God and discovering the life he has planned for your future.
XOXOXOxoxoxo,
Your passionately loving mother
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Someone New in Nine
We are officially expecting again (yes, I actually took a test to confirm this).
Due August 28th (which, for me, means September 11)
Spoon says boy number 3.
Never-before-experienced morning sickness suggests girl number 1.
I remain undecided, and no, we will probably not find out.
The search for loved and modern-day-functional, yet unique, author names begins.
Due August 28th (which, for me, means September 11)
Spoon says boy number 3.
Never-before-experienced morning sickness suggests girl number 1.
I remain undecided, and no, we will probably not find out.
The search for loved and modern-day-functional, yet unique, author names begins.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)