Sunday, August 10, 2008

Like a Child

Lately I have learned a lot watching my children interact with me. They have absolutely zero insecurities about loving me and each other. They have zero hesitations about telling me their needs, and reminding me to meet them. They see nothing wrong with expecting me to meet all of their needs. They are completely comfortable with the fact that I clean their rear-ends, wipe their faces, and help them put on their clothes. They do not feel "cheesy" for running (or speed crawling) up to me periodically throughout the day and hugging me, squeezing my leg, resting their heads on me, or looking me earnestly in the eyes to say "I think you're wonderful Momma" (yes, this kills me - a sweet death) or "I need you snuggles".

They love me so unabashedly even though I feel like I am CONSTANTLY disciplining and instructing them and giving them reason to dislike me. To make it worse, I am constantly failing to be as patient and graceful and loving as I ought to be while training them. I am riddled with fallibility and they still trust me completely.

Soren knows me so well. He knows when to ask "Momma, you fustated?" or "Momma, you mad at me?" without ever questioning my love for him. He knows when he fails, and he doesn't worry about it changing our relationship. He is a child. He is totally comfortable with who he is.

They know they don't know much. They can't help themselves from "unacceptable" actions from time to time. Yet, they come to me again and again, accept the training I give them, and never withhold themselves or their love from me. They know my love for them surpasses any "unacceptable" behavior.

Their love and devotion to me and willingness to be completely free and unabashedly transparent with me is humbling. It is humbling because that is how I ought to interact with God, who is my ultimate (and at this point, my only) Father. Not only that, but he is not riddled with fallibility. He is perfect. My sons act this way towards me while I screw up and am undeserving of the honor of being their mother. God never screws up, and I know He loves me better than I love my boys. I know He disciplines me perfectly.

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" (Luke 11:13)

Why am I constantly tempted to think His love for me has anything to do with my ability to act properly. He knows I am a child. I need reminding. Why do I not freely throw myself into his grace, forgiveness and love? It is there as soon as I recognize my need for it!

And they were bringing children to Him so that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, "Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them. (Matt 13:16)

How grateful I am for parenthood, for it shows me what it looks like to receive like a child!

4 comments:

  1. that is beautiful...thank you...good words..right there on the same road!

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  2. How grateful I am for parenthood, for it shows me what it looks like to receive like a child!

    Amen! Being a father has taught me more about God than I could have ever imagined.

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  3. Your faults and failings don't make you undeserving to be a mother, they make you undeserving to be a god, which I think is the whole point.

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  4. Thanks Maricel - It is encouraging to share the road with fellow pilgrims!

    Dustin - I am constantly amazed.

    Laurie - Yes, thank you for the reminder. I suppose I was exaggerating a bit...but sometimes I still cross the line.

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