My husband let me sleep in as long as he could this morning (8:07) which was an unexpected treat. Then as I realized that I actually forgot to soak the oats (though everything was measured out on the counter...I must have been distracted) and had nothing to offer him for breakfast before he had to leave for work, he picks Soren up and whispers something in his ear. Then Soren comes over to me and started singing "Happy Birthday to Mom" - which was one of those moments that give such lasting sweetness I am sure I will be thinking of it even as he takes his marriage vows (if God should see fit) someday in the future (he is singing happy birthday to mommy in his room as I type). The funny thing is, I had completely forgotten that today was my birthday. I really should have remembered as a dear dear friend sent me a singing birthday card that arrived yesterday. This friend, Chuck, was also my hairdresser for the past 7 years, but is now a pastor in Kansas, and I missed his last visit - and thus missed my yearly haircut. Chuck is kind of one of my adopted fathers, and he sent me $50 so that I could still have a haircut on him. This too, was too unexpectedly kind.
So, as I dip my toes this morning into what will be the 28th year of my life (as I just now turned 27) I am feeling quite loved.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Balance
It has been over year since I began my nutrition studies. All of my learning has been under the Weston A Price Foundation, my primary text has been "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. I have also read "The Untold Story of Milk", "Sugar Blues", numerous articles on the website, and am currently reading a very interesting book on holistic health called "The Fourfold Path to Healing". While I feel like I have a good handle on my health and my family's, there is still much work (and investment - and thus budgeting) to be done to continue to bring our diets in line with how it we ought to nourish ourselves to protect our long-term health.
A recent conversation with a friend has lead me to consider whether this commitment to food is placing too much emphasis on the physical and temporal aspects of my being rather than on the spiritual and eternal ones. Having faith requires one's whole life, and too much work elsewhere can begin as a seemingly minor distraction that can become a large pitfall keeping one from the task at hand (of acquiring and keeping the faith and furthering the kingdom).
Another recent blog about a study (about McDonald's wrapping causing kids to say that the contents tasted better than the same healthy food not in McD's wrapping) has continued my thinking that I would like to sort out the role food ought to have in our lives as believers. Here are some of my thoughts:
It is my responsibility to provide the healthiest environment possible for the Scrivner men to thrive in all their endeavors. What we eat has a direct correlation to our physical, emotional, and mental states. It is our mental state that allows us to search for meaning and truth. Our thinking ability is sharpened by being in good health. Good health allows us clarity, focus, energy, and perseverance. These are important assets to pondering our lives, the scriptures, and the faith, not to mention just getting through the day!
Further, eating the way our bodies were designed to eat seems like one way of bowing the knee to truth. I am not saying that not eating well is a sin, but I do have a tendency to think "all truth is God's truth," and if He has designed things to work a certain way we ought to strive to honor that (without thinking that we can achieve heaven on earth). Prior to my studies I ate a "healthy" diet by American standards (not that that is saying much), but now that I know how it is I should eat, and know what the long-term consequences are of eating poorly, it is hard for me to think that it is not important to do right by what I know.
There are dire consequences to departing from a proper diet. All modern diseases are the result of modern diets (and from the influx of toxins in the environment, as they are nearly impossible to avoid - but if our bodies are functioning as they ought to due to the proper diet, then our bodies are equipped to handle the toxins and remove them rather than assimilate them). Contrary to what the pop medical voices would like us to believe, life expectancy has NOT gone up when compared to traditional societies. Most people acknowledge that it is unwise to do things that shorten your life, for example, do drugs, drink too much, smoke too much, commit suicide, etc. Most people would stop eating something if they knew it was killing them, or leading them slowly to a painful death (obviously some people don't. They feel that cigarettes now are more important than life and air later - but who would call this wise?). The problem is, most people do not know that our way of eating (even eating what is the politically correct "health" diet) is leading to cancer, heart disease, and the myriad of modern ailments and neurological disorders that end our lives. These are new ways of dying! It did not used to be this way, and it is directly because of what we put into our bodies.
Now, there are some who would latch onto eating right as another way of being in control of their lives, and of avoiding death and suffering. I am not suggesting that being motivated to health for that reason is compatible with striving towards God. Death will still come (who knows when a roof tile might not slip off the roof and kill you? This has been a constant reminder as they have been re-doing the tiled roofs here at my apartment complex, and as Andrew has been re-roofing a friend's house). Suffering will still come - even if you are in perfect health until you slip away quietly in your sleep in your 90's (which, by the way, is the way people in traditional societies expected to die if they survived warfare). You cannot escape suffering. It is how God refines us and teaches us who we are and who He is. You will suffer, you just don't have to suffer additionally because of what you eat. Eating poorly to invite a slow painful exit from the world is no more spiritual than locking yourself in a closet and lashing yourself. God will still send trials and tribulations at us. How much better if we are physically prepared for the mental and physical work of enduring?
Eating wrongly can make us lethargic, depressed, foggy, emotional, not to mention just plain old sick. How can we ponder truth when thinking hurts or takes too much energy? How can we endeavor to do the work of self-reflection when we are hyper-emotional and our minds can't focus? How can we further the kingdom if we are constantly tending our physical selves and taking sick days (not to suggest that if you eat right you won't ever need a sick day)? Paul could not have undertaken his journeys unless he was in good health. He rarely mentions illness, he mentions being beat up over and over and over again and moving on. That sounds like a man of strong constitution to me.
That said, I think illness is our bodies telling us to slow down, telling us that something (or multiple things) is out of balance. About a year ago I came down with a serious case of walking pneumonia, and the time I spent on bed-rest was extremely valuable for my life physically, mentally, and spiritually. God uses these times, and they are valuable. Ideally though, we ought to set enough time aside to pause and be still that God does not need to strike us with illness to get through to us.
Feeding myself well keeps me well to serve my family and the people God brings into my life. Feeding others well is an act of service, and allows for communion and discussion around the table. Feeding my children well, I hope, will give them ample resources and time to grapple with God themselves, since that is about all I can give them in regard to their faith.
Now, at the same time, people are far more important than food, and I will not prioritize my diet over the opportunity to love someone. Further, sometimes paying rent and all our bills, is the more prudent route than spending all we have to eat organically and from pastured animals - but I have found we just need to be a little more creative and plan ahead and then we don't have to compromise so much just because of money (like signing up for a organic drop box of produce each week, and finding other families to purchase a organic-grass fed cow butchered and direct from farm - just $2.50 a pound for filet mignon even!). I am still in the process of balancing my convictions and resources when it comes to eating properly, but I think eating well is part of living well, and I mean living well from an eternal perspective. God made us physical and spiritual beings, and we have a responsibility to both the temporal and eternal aspects of our health. It is the temporal house that facilitates all that transpires in us spiritually.
Further, I am increasingly convinced that all of nature (all of the physical world) is here to instruct us along paths to understanding the more spiritual aspects of existence. The better we understand what makes the body work and how meticulously God has designed it all to work together, the more we understand who this God is and how he structures things. It has been remarkable to see how illness ties into seeing the illness of man writ-large.
A recent conversation with a friend has lead me to consider whether this commitment to food is placing too much emphasis on the physical and temporal aspects of my being rather than on the spiritual and eternal ones. Having faith requires one's whole life, and too much work elsewhere can begin as a seemingly minor distraction that can become a large pitfall keeping one from the task at hand (of acquiring and keeping the faith and furthering the kingdom).
Another recent blog about a study (about McDonald's wrapping causing kids to say that the contents tasted better than the same healthy food not in McD's wrapping) has continued my thinking that I would like to sort out the role food ought to have in our lives as believers. Here are some of my thoughts:
It is my responsibility to provide the healthiest environment possible for the Scrivner men to thrive in all their endeavors. What we eat has a direct correlation to our physical, emotional, and mental states. It is our mental state that allows us to search for meaning and truth. Our thinking ability is sharpened by being in good health. Good health allows us clarity, focus, energy, and perseverance. These are important assets to pondering our lives, the scriptures, and the faith, not to mention just getting through the day!
Further, eating the way our bodies were designed to eat seems like one way of bowing the knee to truth. I am not saying that not eating well is a sin, but I do have a tendency to think "all truth is God's truth," and if He has designed things to work a certain way we ought to strive to honor that (without thinking that we can achieve heaven on earth). Prior to my studies I ate a "healthy" diet by American standards (not that that is saying much), but now that I know how it is I should eat, and know what the long-term consequences are of eating poorly, it is hard for me to think that it is not important to do right by what I know.
There are dire consequences to departing from a proper diet. All modern diseases are the result of modern diets (and from the influx of toxins in the environment, as they are nearly impossible to avoid - but if our bodies are functioning as they ought to due to the proper diet, then our bodies are equipped to handle the toxins and remove them rather than assimilate them). Contrary to what the pop medical voices would like us to believe, life expectancy has NOT gone up when compared to traditional societies. Most people acknowledge that it is unwise to do things that shorten your life, for example, do drugs, drink too much, smoke too much, commit suicide, etc. Most people would stop eating something if they knew it was killing them, or leading them slowly to a painful death (obviously some people don't. They feel that cigarettes now are more important than life and air later - but who would call this wise?). The problem is, most people do not know that our way of eating (even eating what is the politically correct "health" diet) is leading to cancer, heart disease, and the myriad of modern ailments and neurological disorders that end our lives. These are new ways of dying! It did not used to be this way, and it is directly because of what we put into our bodies.
Now, there are some who would latch onto eating right as another way of being in control of their lives, and of avoiding death and suffering. I am not suggesting that being motivated to health for that reason is compatible with striving towards God. Death will still come (who knows when a roof tile might not slip off the roof and kill you? This has been a constant reminder as they have been re-doing the tiled roofs here at my apartment complex, and as Andrew has been re-roofing a friend's house). Suffering will still come - even if you are in perfect health until you slip away quietly in your sleep in your 90's (which, by the way, is the way people in traditional societies expected to die if they survived warfare). You cannot escape suffering. It is how God refines us and teaches us who we are and who He is. You will suffer, you just don't have to suffer additionally because of what you eat. Eating poorly to invite a slow painful exit from the world is no more spiritual than locking yourself in a closet and lashing yourself. God will still send trials and tribulations at us. How much better if we are physically prepared for the mental and physical work of enduring?
Eating wrongly can make us lethargic, depressed, foggy, emotional, not to mention just plain old sick. How can we ponder truth when thinking hurts or takes too much energy? How can we endeavor to do the work of self-reflection when we are hyper-emotional and our minds can't focus? How can we further the kingdom if we are constantly tending our physical selves and taking sick days (not to suggest that if you eat right you won't ever need a sick day)? Paul could not have undertaken his journeys unless he was in good health. He rarely mentions illness, he mentions being beat up over and over and over again and moving on. That sounds like a man of strong constitution to me.
That said, I think illness is our bodies telling us to slow down, telling us that something (or multiple things) is out of balance. About a year ago I came down with a serious case of walking pneumonia, and the time I spent on bed-rest was extremely valuable for my life physically, mentally, and spiritually. God uses these times, and they are valuable. Ideally though, we ought to set enough time aside to pause and be still that God does not need to strike us with illness to get through to us.
Feeding myself well keeps me well to serve my family and the people God brings into my life. Feeding others well is an act of service, and allows for communion and discussion around the table. Feeding my children well, I hope, will give them ample resources and time to grapple with God themselves, since that is about all I can give them in regard to their faith.
Now, at the same time, people are far more important than food, and I will not prioritize my diet over the opportunity to love someone. Further, sometimes paying rent and all our bills, is the more prudent route than spending all we have to eat organically and from pastured animals - but I have found we just need to be a little more creative and plan ahead and then we don't have to compromise so much just because of money (like signing up for a organic drop box of produce each week, and finding other families to purchase a organic-grass fed cow butchered and direct from farm - just $2.50 a pound for filet mignon even!). I am still in the process of balancing my convictions and resources when it comes to eating properly, but I think eating well is part of living well, and I mean living well from an eternal perspective. God made us physical and spiritual beings, and we have a responsibility to both the temporal and eternal aspects of our health. It is the temporal house that facilitates all that transpires in us spiritually.
Further, I am increasingly convinced that all of nature (all of the physical world) is here to instruct us along paths to understanding the more spiritual aspects of existence. The better we understand what makes the body work and how meticulously God has designed it all to work together, the more we understand who this God is and how he structures things. It has been remarkable to see how illness ties into seeing the illness of man writ-large.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Let them eat cake!
Søren's birthday party was mostly enjoyable, although there was the "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to" phase because it was scheduled right in the middle of what should have been his nap. After a little bit of crying, a little bit of sleeping, and the emergence of this tart (sorry, I forgot to get pictures of the other cakes),
things seemed to settle down enough for gifts to be opened and play to resume with his best friend, Indybug, who was looking quite radiant in her yellow party dress.
Here are some moments from the day:
things seemed to settle down enough for gifts to be opened and play to resume with his best friend, Indybug, who was looking quite radiant in her yellow party dress.
Here are some moments from the day:
Friday, August 24, 2007
Happy 2nd Birthday Søren!
His birthday celebration is not until tomorrow, but he did get his special request of pancakes for breakfast this morning along with the birthday song.
Here are some pictures of him sharing his birthday excitement with Elliot.
I thought this would be a good place to capture some of my favorite Søren moments of late.
Yesterday we were playing Little People together and I noticed that we were missing a couple people (two of his favorites). I was worried we may have left Eddie at Grandma's house, and Eddie is pretty much his favorite Little People right now. I mentioned that we were missing some people and Søren got up quietly and walked off. I contented my self to play Little People by myself (well, actually I just remained in the Little People village while working on a shopping list for Søren's birthday cakes - yes cakes, there will be three of them, but really, we are celebrating 3 family birthday's tomorrow, so there is a cake for each person). Søren comes back holding his yellow rain boots, turns them upside down, shakes them, and out come all four missing Little People, two from each boot. Too cute. Then he promptly proceeded to sit down and resume play.
I love all these little moments that show me how quickly he has become a boy. I love watching him from across the room while he makes his toys talk to each other, and feeds the animals. I like watching him spend focused energy problem solving when he has thrown a stuffed animal out of his reach. I love hearing him sing to himself all day long as he goes about his adventuring.
A few nights ago Andrew was reading in the bathroom while Søren was taking his bath and I was with Elliot in the bedroom. Andrew wasn't paying much attention to the quiet babble that was taking place in the tub between Søren and a plastic ladybug, but I could tell that he was putting the ladybug to bed with all the same phrases that I use through our bedtime rituals.
He has recently taken to swaddling his stuffed animals (and Little People) and rocking them and laying them down as I do with Elliot.
He strikes up conversation with people in the grocery store and tells them how old he is and that it is "nice to meet you".
The other day he completely floored me as I was chatting with a friend in the living room by walking through the room singing the complete ABC's - something I had not been working on with him.
He cracks jokes and does things he knows will make us laugh followed by a high pitched "wwwhhaat?", and has taken to pretending he is talking to my mom on the phone saying "Hi babe" (which is often something she says when talking to one of us on the phone).
He likes to give running tackle hugs, and "booyah" kisses, and surprise hugs around our legs when are chatting with each other and don't notice him standing below us learning EVERYTHING.
He has an amazing memory and detailed understanding of all the processes we go through on a regular basis. He is a very adaptable child and loving big brother. He is an amazing kid who I am delighted to spend each day with. I feel privileged to get to know this little person so intimately and greatly look forward to watching him continue to learn and grow. I look forward to hearing his thoughts on life and seeing the things he chooses to pursue. But for now I am just enjoying exactly where he is, for he will never be two again, and it is a most precious age.
Below are some of the self-portraits he has taken lately during his photo shoots, and one from this morning of him declaring himself TWO!
Here are some pictures of him sharing his birthday excitement with Elliot.
I thought this would be a good place to capture some of my favorite Søren moments of late.
Yesterday we were playing Little People together and I noticed that we were missing a couple people (two of his favorites). I was worried we may have left Eddie at Grandma's house, and Eddie is pretty much his favorite Little People right now. I mentioned that we were missing some people and Søren got up quietly and walked off. I contented my self to play Little People by myself (well, actually I just remained in the Little People village while working on a shopping list for Søren's birthday cakes - yes cakes, there will be three of them, but really, we are celebrating 3 family birthday's tomorrow, so there is a cake for each person). Søren comes back holding his yellow rain boots, turns them upside down, shakes them, and out come all four missing Little People, two from each boot. Too cute. Then he promptly proceeded to sit down and resume play.
I love all these little moments that show me how quickly he has become a boy. I love watching him from across the room while he makes his toys talk to each other, and feeds the animals. I like watching him spend focused energy problem solving when he has thrown a stuffed animal out of his reach. I love hearing him sing to himself all day long as he goes about his adventuring.
A few nights ago Andrew was reading in the bathroom while Søren was taking his bath and I was with Elliot in the bedroom. Andrew wasn't paying much attention to the quiet babble that was taking place in the tub between Søren and a plastic ladybug, but I could tell that he was putting the ladybug to bed with all the same phrases that I use through our bedtime rituals.
He has recently taken to swaddling his stuffed animals (and Little People) and rocking them and laying them down as I do with Elliot.
He strikes up conversation with people in the grocery store and tells them how old he is and that it is "nice to meet you".
The other day he completely floored me as I was chatting with a friend in the living room by walking through the room singing the complete ABC's - something I had not been working on with him.
He cracks jokes and does things he knows will make us laugh followed by a high pitched "wwwhhaat?", and has taken to pretending he is talking to my mom on the phone saying "Hi babe" (which is often something she says when talking to one of us on the phone).
He likes to give running tackle hugs, and "booyah" kisses, and surprise hugs around our legs when are chatting with each other and don't notice him standing below us learning EVERYTHING.
He has an amazing memory and detailed understanding of all the processes we go through on a regular basis. He is a very adaptable child and loving big brother. He is an amazing kid who I am delighted to spend each day with. I feel privileged to get to know this little person so intimately and greatly look forward to watching him continue to learn and grow. I look forward to hearing his thoughts on life and seeing the things he chooses to pursue. But for now I am just enjoying exactly where he is, for he will never be two again, and it is a most precious age.
Below are some of the self-portraits he has taken lately during his photo shoots, and one from this morning of him declaring himself TWO!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Variation on a theme:
Here is something I recently was pondering; is it possible to call dwelling on past events in your marriage adulterous?
I am being a little facetious, so don't roll your eyes at me just yet. We were recently flipping through honeymoon pictures (as Søren enjoys pulling out all our albums to find pictures of people he knows, especially his Daddy), and I was struck at how much my body has changed since having two children, and how that pre-momma figure will never return (and it shouldn't, I am not pinning over any weird skinny obsession...in fact, I just recently learned that osteoporosis comes from women not gaining the weight they need to in old age. I guess our bones adjust to the gravitational demands on them, and if there is nothing to pull down, they thin out, and then you fall when you're 80 and break both hips. Old women in Africa have strong bones into old age in part because they carry around huge bowls of water on their heads all their lives!). What I am wondering, is if pictures can be a temptation of sorts even of a spouse because that is no longer who they are. We are to live in this moment, and pursue our spouse for who they ARE not who they WERE.
I remember finding some pictures of Andrew back when he was a water bottle delivery man and he was in AMAZING shape. I made a comment to the like, and he was a little worried that I would rather be with someone more built than he is now. Finding those old honeymoon pictures made me realize I would become a little self-conscious, too, if he were to express physical interest over old pictures because it would make me feel like he is interested in young women who haven't had babies (even though I know he loves me, appreciates the bodily sacrifice I made to have children, etc.) rather than me.
I am not saying we shouldn't celebrate our history together and enjoy memories of time spent together. I am just pointing out how potentially damaging it could be to a relationship if one spouse was to communicate by whatever means that they would rather be with a previous version of their spouse than the current one. Now, this has to be qualified, because we ought to help point each other in the direction that is healthiest for each other physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally, and that might take the form of a reminder of a past time or a past way that the spouse used to behave.
I suppose I am trying to emphasize that we should embrace the fact that we are committed to growing old, ugly, and fat together (as a friend's husband said long ago when proposing) and that there is tremendous beauty in embracing the changes age brings and finding the ascetic appeal of softer curves, lasting evidence of smiles in the crinkles around the eyes, roomier skin, and a silver crown.
In case you are wondering, I do have a birthday coming up (it's not an impressive one), and that is sparking some of the age pondering (as is living with a 39-year-man who is trying to work a day job and then roof all night and wondering why his body feels like it's falling apart).
Anyhow, I think I have blogged enough for one 24-hour period! Good night!
I am being a little facetious, so don't roll your eyes at me just yet. We were recently flipping through honeymoon pictures (as Søren enjoys pulling out all our albums to find pictures of people he knows, especially his Daddy), and I was struck at how much my body has changed since having two children, and how that pre-momma figure will never return (and it shouldn't, I am not pinning over any weird skinny obsession...in fact, I just recently learned that osteoporosis comes from women not gaining the weight they need to in old age. I guess our bones adjust to the gravitational demands on them, and if there is nothing to pull down, they thin out, and then you fall when you're 80 and break both hips. Old women in Africa have strong bones into old age in part because they carry around huge bowls of water on their heads all their lives!). What I am wondering, is if pictures can be a temptation of sorts even of a spouse because that is no longer who they are. We are to live in this moment, and pursue our spouse for who they ARE not who they WERE.
I remember finding some pictures of Andrew back when he was a water bottle delivery man and he was in AMAZING shape. I made a comment to the like, and he was a little worried that I would rather be with someone more built than he is now. Finding those old honeymoon pictures made me realize I would become a little self-conscious, too, if he were to express physical interest over old pictures because it would make me feel like he is interested in young women who haven't had babies (even though I know he loves me, appreciates the bodily sacrifice I made to have children, etc.) rather than me.
I am not saying we shouldn't celebrate our history together and enjoy memories of time spent together. I am just pointing out how potentially damaging it could be to a relationship if one spouse was to communicate by whatever means that they would rather be with a previous version of their spouse than the current one. Now, this has to be qualified, because we ought to help point each other in the direction that is healthiest for each other physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally, and that might take the form of a reminder of a past time or a past way that the spouse used to behave.
I suppose I am trying to emphasize that we should embrace the fact that we are committed to growing old, ugly, and fat together (as a friend's husband said long ago when proposing) and that there is tremendous beauty in embracing the changes age brings and finding the ascetic appeal of softer curves, lasting evidence of smiles in the crinkles around the eyes, roomier skin, and a silver crown.
In case you are wondering, I do have a birthday coming up (it's not an impressive one), and that is sparking some of the age pondering (as is living with a 39-year-man who is trying to work a day job and then roof all night and wondering why his body feels like it's falling apart).
Anyhow, I think I have blogged enough for one 24-hour period! Good night!
Humanity
There are days when the depth of humanity settles over me with the same emotional impact as when my husband sneaks over and wraps his arms around me after a communication breakdown when he knows I am still not speaking to him, and it leaves me in tears with a clearer perspective of myself and everyone else. For a moment I have clarity and can see the beauty and fragility that is being human.
Today is one of those days.
How thoughtlessly, how thoughtlessly, I let myself judge!
It is a beautiful day for running errands with my boys - my delightful boys, that make me look the part of a good mother because of how peaceful, kind, and obedient they are in public. (Thank you Søren, it is SO nice to know you and be your mother). One of these errands landed us at a local high end health food grocery store to locate naturally sweetened jam for a blueberry tart I am making Søren for his birthday (tomorrow!) party (Saturday). We pulled in and I prepared for the ritual of retrieving a shopping cart and bringing it back to the car to load the boys directly into it and save myself the potential hassle of wrestling a two-year-old into a cart with an infant in the other arm.
Standing next to the carts out side the door was a tired-looking, 60-something, homeless man holding a small stack of newspapers titled "RealChange" for $1. I prepared my self to be asked to purchase one, but he barely even blinked as I moved the cart out from around him. I was reminded of "StreetRoots" in Portland, a paper where homeless people contribute to writing for, producing, and selling a local street newspaper. This is a job that they get paid for (90% of whatever they sell) and helps to work them into real jobs and get permanent shelter back over their heads. I was encouraged, as this kind of homeless mission actually seems to work, and these particular "bums" are actually willing to work, not just beg. I made a mental note to exchange the $5 in my purse for $1's. But when he wandered off toward a little stand outside I was a little relieved.
As I meandered the stores isles I chatted with a nice Italian man working at the gourmet counter who helped me find some extra dry sherry (for which I was later carded! It has been a while since that happened) and noticed that the bum had now come in and was wearing a store apron and helping bag.
As God would see fit, after finding the creme fraiche, heavy cream, fruit and bulk nuts, I ended up in a long line of shoppers who were quickly divided up into 3 newly opened check-stands (the beauty of a high-end market I suppose) with none other than the old bum as my bagger. I handed him my bags with a kind smile, but found that inwardly I had elevated myself above him.
He offered to help me out to my car, which I have learned to accept as unloading bags, children, and returning carts can be a bit much as nap-time approaches. Søren was busy pushing buttons on the card reader, and was bound and determined to bring the check writing pen home with us.
After a silent tug-of-war with him to return the pen to the counter the old man said to Søren, "Sure want that pen don'tcha? Are you gonna be a writer?"
I laughed and said, "Well, he is named after one."
He naturally replied, "What's his name?"
"Søren."
"Ah, Søren Kierkegaard. How existential you are." Again addressing Soren.
"Yes," I said smiling - though not so elevated as before, "Most people don't know the reference."
"Well, I'm an educated bum" he told me frankly.
"That's the best kind to be," I replied for lack of knowing anything better to say.
"Shouldn't have too many Søren's in school." He added.
"We like that it's unique."
"Better than Nicky Stevens" he said while placing my bags at the floor of Elliot's car seat.
"Is that your name?"
"Oh no, I'm Andy," He said.
"That's my husband's name."
"In Greek it means 'man,'" He told me.
"And 'husband,'" I added.
"And what's your other son's name?" He asked with a nod to the sleeping Elliot.
"Elliot," I answered.
"T.S.?" He asked.
"And George" I said, "We wanted to keep with a literary theme."
He said something else kind, took my cart and wished me a nice day. I loaded myself into the car and drove homeward.
As I pulled out onto the street my eyes began the little tingling that tells me they want to water but won't. Something about his nature was so tender and deep. I entertained the idea that he might be an angel. Primarily, though, I was struck at how much unexpected tragedy life brings us, and how some people weather it with such humility and patience. My heart cleared and as I drove home I took the time to notice people.
At the stop light before my apartment complex there was familiar but unrecognized music coming from a car diagonally behind me. Inside was a clearly obese woman of my own age exposing her heart singing with the music. It made me smile, and I could see that she was aware of but not ruled by her emotions and was striving to embrace the life that had been given her.
Waiting at the crosswalk was a young mother with husband and child in tow, wearing 3-inch cork sandals, who was clearly still bucking a bit at the life that had been given her. This made me reflect on myself because on my own way out the door I had seriously considered wearing sandals with an impractical heel because I thought they would look cute, but then accepted that it did not make any sense for walking around with two small children and no husband to help.
I pulled into our parking space feeling somehow more connected to everyone, and reminded again how much we have to learn from each other and what depth lies in strangers. What a task it is to be man!
Today is one of those days.
How thoughtlessly, how thoughtlessly, I let myself judge!
It is a beautiful day for running errands with my boys - my delightful boys, that make me look the part of a good mother because of how peaceful, kind, and obedient they are in public. (Thank you Søren, it is SO nice to know you and be your mother). One of these errands landed us at a local high end health food grocery store to locate naturally sweetened jam for a blueberry tart I am making Søren for his birthday (tomorrow!) party (Saturday). We pulled in and I prepared for the ritual of retrieving a shopping cart and bringing it back to the car to load the boys directly into it and save myself the potential hassle of wrestling a two-year-old into a cart with an infant in the other arm.
Standing next to the carts out side the door was a tired-looking, 60-something, homeless man holding a small stack of newspapers titled "RealChange" for $1. I prepared my self to be asked to purchase one, but he barely even blinked as I moved the cart out from around him. I was reminded of "StreetRoots" in Portland, a paper where homeless people contribute to writing for, producing, and selling a local street newspaper. This is a job that they get paid for (90% of whatever they sell) and helps to work them into real jobs and get permanent shelter back over their heads. I was encouraged, as this kind of homeless mission actually seems to work, and these particular "bums" are actually willing to work, not just beg. I made a mental note to exchange the $5 in my purse for $1's. But when he wandered off toward a little stand outside I was a little relieved.
As I meandered the stores isles I chatted with a nice Italian man working at the gourmet counter who helped me find some extra dry sherry (for which I was later carded! It has been a while since that happened) and noticed that the bum had now come in and was wearing a store apron and helping bag.
As God would see fit, after finding the creme fraiche, heavy cream, fruit and bulk nuts, I ended up in a long line of shoppers who were quickly divided up into 3 newly opened check-stands (the beauty of a high-end market I suppose) with none other than the old bum as my bagger. I handed him my bags with a kind smile, but found that inwardly I had elevated myself above him.
He offered to help me out to my car, which I have learned to accept as unloading bags, children, and returning carts can be a bit much as nap-time approaches. Søren was busy pushing buttons on the card reader, and was bound and determined to bring the check writing pen home with us.
After a silent tug-of-war with him to return the pen to the counter the old man said to Søren, "Sure want that pen don'tcha? Are you gonna be a writer?"
I laughed and said, "Well, he is named after one."
He naturally replied, "What's his name?"
"Søren."
"Ah, Søren Kierkegaard. How existential you are." Again addressing Soren.
"Yes," I said smiling - though not so elevated as before, "Most people don't know the reference."
"Well, I'm an educated bum" he told me frankly.
"That's the best kind to be," I replied for lack of knowing anything better to say.
"Shouldn't have too many Søren's in school." He added.
"We like that it's unique."
"Better than Nicky Stevens" he said while placing my bags at the floor of Elliot's car seat.
"Is that your name?"
"Oh no, I'm Andy," He said.
"That's my husband's name."
"In Greek it means 'man,'" He told me.
"And 'husband,'" I added.
"And what's your other son's name?" He asked with a nod to the sleeping Elliot.
"Elliot," I answered.
"T.S.?" He asked.
"And George" I said, "We wanted to keep with a literary theme."
He said something else kind, took my cart and wished me a nice day. I loaded myself into the car and drove homeward.
As I pulled out onto the street my eyes began the little tingling that tells me they want to water but won't. Something about his nature was so tender and deep. I entertained the idea that he might be an angel. Primarily, though, I was struck at how much unexpected tragedy life brings us, and how some people weather it with such humility and patience. My heart cleared and as I drove home I took the time to notice people.
At the stop light before my apartment complex there was familiar but unrecognized music coming from a car diagonally behind me. Inside was a clearly obese woman of my own age exposing her heart singing with the music. It made me smile, and I could see that she was aware of but not ruled by her emotions and was striving to embrace the life that had been given her.
Waiting at the crosswalk was a young mother with husband and child in tow, wearing 3-inch cork sandals, who was clearly still bucking a bit at the life that had been given her. This made me reflect on myself because on my own way out the door I had seriously considered wearing sandals with an impractical heel because I thought they would look cute, but then accepted that it did not make any sense for walking around with two small children and no husband to help.
I pulled into our parking space feeling somehow more connected to everyone, and reminded again how much we have to learn from each other and what depth lies in strangers. What a task it is to be man!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Room
We have been amazed at what a seamless transition it has been (so far) to have two children. I was pondering the wonder of the smaller of these two little men I get to know intimately for the next several years. I was thinking about how we began making room for Elliot as soon as we knew I was pregnant. We prepared and made room literally for him in Søren's bedroom. I tried to be mindful that I needed to shift from completely focusing my maternal energies on Søren, to focusing them on my unborn Elliot as well. I was mindful of him when I ate and when I walked. I prioritized time for him by doing Yoga and having time to just be with the belly and think on this new life. I began talking with Søren about everything we would do with Elliot once he was born, what toys we would share, and got excited as a whole family about the growth about to take place. Once Elliot arrived - at long last - there had already been such space cleared for him in our home and in our hearts that somehow it didn't seem like a big adjustment, it just seemed like he filled the space we had created for him.
Now, I think a huge part of that seamless feeling comes from the fact that he is such calm happy baby who sleeps extraordinarily well....but I think that making time for him and learning the juggle of prioritizing him even before his birth helped a little. As I reflect on having ample room for Elliot to fill in my heart I am rather convinced I have room for a few more...don't worry, not right away, but someday.
Now, I think a huge part of that seamless feeling comes from the fact that he is such calm happy baby who sleeps extraordinarily well....but I think that making time for him and learning the juggle of prioritizing him even before his birth helped a little. As I reflect on having ample room for Elliot to fill in my heart I am rather convinced I have room for a few more...don't worry, not right away, but someday.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Frankenstein Revisited
An open letter to the scientists about to "create life from scratch":
I have several thoughts on this recent article about your project.
First, in regard to the statement "creating life from scratch," (which may be the media's choice of phrase, but still) let us remember what "from scratch" means. When I say I made something "from scratch" I mean that I take raw ingredients and mix them myself rather than use something pre-made. I typically do not even use this phrase as I do not think that it is that impressive. I did not grow the grain and harvest it and grind it myself (which I would probably feel was more impressive) let alone call it into existence with the sun and soil that feed it. So, okay, "from scratch," but let's not pretend that we have now answered how God did it...God made the scratch. You can't top that. He made THING (matter) out of NO-THING. While it would be interesting to see how God might have done some of his combining, please remember that you did not create matter.You are using matter that already exists and restructuring it.
Second, do you really think this wise? Have you not read Shelly's Frankenstein? You said, "We’re talking about a technology that could change our world in pretty fundamental ways — in fact, in ways that are impossible to predict.” (emphasis mine) in one breath, and then assure us "them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen.” Forgive me, but I am not reassured by the confines of your imagination. You have no idea what a project of this magnitude could do. People have imagined it before (say Shelly's Dr. Frankenstein) and were also capable of imagining it getting out of hand and of deeply regretting their ambitious project. Perhaps your imagination needs a little stretching.
Third, it might behoove you to learn from the moral of the biblical story of the tower of Babel. In case you are not familiar with this text, it is a deeply philosophical, historical, moral, informative and helpful religious text that some people have thought authoritative for many thousands of years. There is a story in it of a group of people who thought themselves so capable that they could build a tower to reach the gods. Though this was clearly not even probable, God still saw fit to destroy their tower, confuse their languages, and disperse them to prevent such arrogance and misconception of their place in the whole scheme of existence. As you continue your endeavors, I implore you to consider this "myth" and count the cost.
Fondly yours,
M. Scrivner
I have several thoughts on this recent article about your project.
First, in regard to the statement "creating life from scratch," (which may be the media's choice of phrase, but still) let us remember what "from scratch" means. When I say I made something "from scratch" I mean that I take raw ingredients and mix them myself rather than use something pre-made. I typically do not even use this phrase as I do not think that it is that impressive. I did not grow the grain and harvest it and grind it myself (which I would probably feel was more impressive) let alone call it into existence with the sun and soil that feed it. So, okay, "from scratch," but let's not pretend that we have now answered how God did it...God made the scratch. You can't top that. He made THING (matter) out of NO-THING. While it would be interesting to see how God might have done some of his combining, please remember that you did not create matter.You are using matter that already exists and restructuring it.
Second, do you really think this wise? Have you not read Shelly's Frankenstein? You said, "We’re talking about a technology that could change our world in pretty fundamental ways — in fact, in ways that are impossible to predict.” (emphasis mine) in one breath, and then assure us "them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen.” Forgive me, but I am not reassured by the confines of your imagination. You have no idea what a project of this magnitude could do. People have imagined it before (say Shelly's Dr. Frankenstein) and were also capable of imagining it getting out of hand and of deeply regretting their ambitious project. Perhaps your imagination needs a little stretching.
Third, it might behoove you to learn from the moral of the biblical story of the tower of Babel. In case you are not familiar with this text, it is a deeply philosophical, historical, moral, informative and helpful religious text that some people have thought authoritative for many thousands of years. There is a story in it of a group of people who thought themselves so capable that they could build a tower to reach the gods. Though this was clearly not even probable, God still saw fit to destroy their tower, confuse their languages, and disperse them to prevent such arrogance and misconception of their place in the whole scheme of existence. As you continue your endeavors, I implore you to consider this "myth" and count the cost.
Fondly yours,
M. Scrivner
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Food for thought (a precursor)
There is a post coming on my thoughts about how pursuing physical health complements pursuing spiritual health....but I can only find time to write lately in small installments...don't know what's keeping me so busy...perhaps two very adorable young boys....perhaps my husband working two jobs...perhaps the inviting warm august nights...not sure, but the post will come. In the mean time, I leave you with two quotes that I have enjoyed in my recent readings.
"I want to demonstrate to the world the architectures of a new and beautiful social commonwealth. The secret of my harmony? I alone know it. Each instrument in counterpoint, and as many contra punctual parts as there are instruments. It is the enlightened self-discipline of the various parts, each voluntarily imposing on itself the limits of its individual freedom for the well-being of the community. That is my message. Not the autocracy of a single stubborn melody on the one hand, not the anarchy of the unchecked noise of the other . No, a delicate balance between the two; an enlightened freedom. The science of my art. The harmony of the starts in the heavens, the yearning for the brotherhood in the heart of man . This is the secret to my music." - Johann Sebastian Bach
"Yes, we suffer pain, we become ill, we die. But we also hope, laugh, celebrate; we know the joy of caring for one another, often we are healed and we recover by many means. We do not have to pursue the flattening out of human experience. I invite all to shift their gaze, their thoughts, from worrying about health care to cultivating the art of living. And, today with equal importance, the art of suffering, the art of dying." - Ivan Illich on the "Pursuit of Health"
"Yes, we suffer pain, we become ill, we die. But we also hope, laugh, celebrate; we know the joy of caring for one another, often we are healed and we recover by many means. We do not have to pursue the flattening out of human experience. I invite all to shift their gaze, their thoughts, from worrying about health care to cultivating the art of living. And, today with equal importance, the art of suffering, the art of dying." - Ivan Illich on the "Pursuit of Health"
Okay, hope to have more soon...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
August Pie
Running through the summerHeat, to savor final treasures,
Under canopies for shade with
Branches gleaming greener,
August sings her siren song of
Relishing the barefoot walks that
Bathe the toes in dew.
Playfully the outdoor world comes
Inside to say,
Enjoy!
Here is my first attempt at rhubarb pie.
A simple sweet and sour delight!
A simple sweet and sour delight!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Early August Pictures
Here are some of the moments we have captured in the last 6 days:
Elliot is quickly becoming an active part of the family...
But still favors mom.
This is the kind of thing I love finding Søren doing. Leave the boy alone for 5 minutes,
and he'll find his boots and climb on top of something.
Opinionated already.
Happy with my boys.
Imitating his daddy, who has been helping friends with their roof.
Enjoying a new book bench which his great aunt and uncle dropped by yesterday during snack.
Not so sure he is ready for the bench yet.Saturday, August 4, 2007
Four years ago this weekend...
Four years ago this weekend...
Beware of what can happen in four short years!
- I was nearing my 23rd birthday.
- I was nearing my second Sophomore year of college.
- Andrew brought me to Seattle from Eugene for a Mariner's vs. Red Sox game (they are playing here this weekend, too) and met my parents.
- I had my first pint of Guinness at Fado (an Irish pub here in Seattle).
- Andrew asked me if we could talk about what the time frame needed to be for him to marry me.
- I told him yes, but only if he was serious.
- So, he asked me to marry him over Guinness.
- I said yes.
Beware of what can happen in four short years!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
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