People's Salvation

I received a lovely offer from People magazine in the mail today. I had NO idea all that they have to offer. Below I have written VERBATIM what they wrote, though the parentheses are mine =) No offense intended to those of you who may read and enjoy this magazine, but I think you'll have to agree that the promises of this letter are a little over the top for what it really has to offer.

Enjoy a 4 FREE Issue
Mini-Subscription to PEOPLE
and Feel Your Stress Melt Away...

Dear Friend (Friend? Really?),

It seems life is more hectic than ever. When you finally manage to wind down, the time is often fleeting. A quick manicure on your way home from work (you've got the wrong demographic info on me, People). A phone cal to your best friend between errands.

Well, you deserve more time to your self than these fleeting moments (someone told you I'm only showing once a week huh?) - and we want to treat you to the relaxation remedy you need... (is this a Yoga magazine?)

PEOPLE
Once a week for 4 weeks.
The perfect therapy for your mind, heart, and soul.
(Who knew a gossip rag could be so good for you!)

Each issue of PEOPLE provides a refreshing mix of celebrities and real-life heroes. Just 4 star-studded issues will make you feel like a new person (actually, it would make me feel like a failure as a person, fat, poor, and ugly). And since they're FREE, you can enjoy the luxury without the guilt! (come now, the guilt of reading a gossip magazine has nothing to do with the price)

Steal moments with George Clooney or Patrick Dempsey over your morning coffee (I have milk in the morning, and a husband. Though he admits that George Clooney is so good looking that even he'd date him, I don't think he really wants me stealing moments with him). While dinner's in the oven, treat yourself to the photo spreads in Star Tracks...the celebrity tidbits in Chatter...the glamour of Style Watch (while dinner's in the oven I treat myself to unloading the dishwasher and trying to find my counters again)...or the newsworthy stories of regular people who inspire us (or cause us to despair over our own existence, coveting theirs).

Then, for an afternoon of pure bliss (no joke, they choose the words "pure bliss"), curl up in your favorite armchair and catch up with friends old and new - like Julia Roberts or Jennifer Aniston (Yeah, who needs real relationships with real people whom I actually know and can TALK to).

The quiet moments you spend with PEOPLE
are yours to savor all month long.

For best results (oh, right, this is the formula for relaxation and pure bliss), read all 4 of your FREE issues. Then, consider making PEOPLE a part of your regular routine (right, right, in lieu of the showers). Your heart and soul will reap the benefits (People magazine is good for my soul?! Who needs Jesus!?).

Enjoy!
Jennifer Reese
Consumer Marketing Director

P.S. Simply return the Gift Certificate enclosed to accept your 4 FREE issues with our compliments.